Hardest thing for me to personally to do is commit to anything for a long period of time. Every since I was little, I have always had the hardest time sticking to something mainly because I got bored with it and wanted to move on to something different. I tend to take up hobbies like working out or reading, i’ll be super into it for 2-3 weeks and then I’ll be done. I just give it up and go on to something different, then I’ll come back to it a few months later and the same pattern repeats. That’s kinda how I am when it comes to my relationship with God.
Sometimes I am so into my faith; reading my bible and doing my devotions daily, praying 3 times a day and wanting to be the best Christian I can be..but unfortunately I’m not so into it more than i am into it. I have my good months and my bad months. There are times that I get so far from God and I don’t even know how I got to the point I’m was at.
The pattern for me is when I hit rock bottom and feel farthest from Christ is when I tend to crawl back to him on my hands and knees begging for his forgiveness, and then I got back to fixing my relationship with him and being all in for a few months, then I lose commitment and go back to my old ways. It’s a constant cycle.
Does it suck? Yes. Can I change it? Yes. But I’m human. I’m going to contstantly mess up, I’m not always going to be a perfect Christian, not even remotely close actually. I screw up 10x more than I do something right. I live for myself more than I live for God. It’s a constant battle I have with myself and something I pray about just about every night.
The craziest thing about all of this is that God forgives us and takes us back every single time we fall far, far from him. He takes us back and accepts us just how we are. His love is so unconditional and so undeserving. We are not worthy of his love, but how beautiful and and amazing it is that he does still love us no matter how many timeswe turn our backs on him? It’s the greatest love story of them all.